To begin with an apology

It's been terrible of me to not keep this updated. I have to fight urges to just curl up and do nothing to get anything done lately, and this is one of the many responsibilities of mine that have been suffering.

I do want to keep this updated, though. Things are happening that I want to share, and I want to express what I'm thinking and feeling. It's a matter of getting myself to type it. (as a note, this was actually written in a spare notebook during my Biology class at school, with the intention of typing and editing later)

So to catch up:

The first two weeks here were during spring break, so there wasn't any school. I posted some about that previously. Sakura had club activities and my host parents had work, so after the first couple of days I spent much of those two weeks alone at the house. It was kind of disappointing to arrive in Japan and still not really go out and see any of it. I was doing pretty much exactly what I would be doing in the US-- hanging around at the house and taking naps-- with minimal changes to accommodate a new family and house. Still, though, I treasured that time alone. I always wanted my host family to get out of the house quickly and to return late so that I could have that time to breathe.

Throughout those two weeks, I looked forward to going to school with the hope that I would be able to see other people and make my own friends, and where I'd be forced to speak Japanese. I was getting pretty downtrodden about how little I was speaking and interacting, and hoped the new environment would shake me into a new groove.

Things I had previously thought would excite me came and passed with relatively little reaction. Being dragged along to karaoke and purikura (standard Japanese teen entertainment, and a supposed must-do in Japan) with Sakura and her friends was pretty much just that: me being dragged. I tagged along willingly and openly, but it was very "meh", just glorified and overpriced selfies and singing, to my unastonished mind.

I really thought that getting my school uniform would be the excitement to cheer me up until the start of school. But it kind of passed like any other of the mundane errands we'd been doing, and only after when I sat down in my room with my uniform hanging in my wardrobe did I think, "Hey. I own a real-life Japanese school uniform. That's pretty cool, right?"

But, wow, this seems incredibly depressing. I am doing relatively well and I'm really glad to be here. Right now, though, I'm having to work through a lot of problems that exist within myself. I feel extremely restricted, for some reason, around my host family and talking is still a problem. When I'm away from them and from Sakura at school, though, I relax a little.

I still don't do a ton of talking, though, with me not knowing how to interact normally with teenagers and with them being shy and not knowing how to talk to a strange American person. There's a lot I feel like I should be doing, questions I should be asking, mistakes I should be making... I recognize the problem, though, and I know I need to work to find a solution, but for now I get by one little interaction at a time...

Mottainai

もったいない (mottainai) is a regret felt toward waste, a concept deeply rooted in Japanese culture. It applies to everything in life: energy, food, water, garbage... It's the reason why most Japanese homes have small space heaters and A/Cs rather than central heating/cooling to save energy. It's why Japanese cars are tiny and fuel-efficient (lots of Priuses!). It's why garbage is sorted into I-don't-know-how-many types, all collected on different days. To reduce waste.

Before coming here, I knew that Japanese people were, generally, more eco-friendly than their Western counterparts. At one of my orientations (gosh, I don't know which one. They all blur together.) I learned the name. I didn't really understand how it would feel, though, until coming to live with my host family.

もったいない is very important to my host family. They attempt to waste nothing. When meals are made, they either eat every scrap or save what they can for breakfast or lunch the next day. Even a single bite's worth of potato salad is saved, appearing on the side for dinner. My lunches are always made from pieces of previous meals. My host mother saves all the plastic bags, from grocery-store bags to used Ziploc baggies (after being washed out, of course), in a drawer in the kitchen. The family is very particular about which trash goes in which bin, but I have yet to figure out exactly what goes where.

I love the idea of waste-reduction, of attempting to minimize what we take from the Earth and what we put into it. I've always tried to live consciously of my waste, to recycle what I can, and to not use anything excessively.

But at some point it gets exhausting.

I worry what they think of me, if I'm being too wasteful for their standards. I went out with my host sister, Sakura, and her friend and we ate curry and rice. We were given huge dishes, and I was obviously slowing way down with mine about three quarters of the way through. I had stopped for a bit when Sakura said, "If you can't finish, Hinano will eat the rest of yours." At first I was a little bewildered and thought, "Okay, I'll gladly let her finish it..." It wasn't until later that I realized that that's it; that's もったいない. I'm left thinking, "Oh, crap... should I have actually eaten the rest?"

I think もったいない is also why my host family has labeled me as a 少食家 ("shoushokuka", a light eater) and gives me smaller amounts to eat than the rest of the family (except my host mother, who eats nearly nothing), so no food is wasted. This was established on my first night here.

They put so much effort into it, even scraping and attempting to eat all the sugar that had fallen off a donut onto a plate.

Like I said, I have yet to figure out the trash bins. Just throwing something away becomes a big worry for me because I don't want to put it in the wrong place, and I'm left standing in the kitchen unsure of myself for a good while before making a decision.

I don't know if my family is extreme or normal by Japanese standards, having no other family to which to compare them. But I do understand that the sentiment at least is common to most households here.

It's both beautiful and draining.

The First Few Days (in brief)

When we arrived in Tokyo, we were all already sick of orientations. The day and a part we had spent in Los Angeles prior to our departure was enough. But, alas, we faced three more days' worth. Our first night was spent in a pretty nice hotel with everyone who arrived the same day as us (I think that's what is was... there were a ton of different countries...). We were then split into three groups according to where we'd be living and sent to three different locations for orientation.

Our (those of us placed around [relatively] Tokyo or in Hokkaido) orientation was at the National Olympic Youth Center, which was some kind of multipurpose superfacility or hostel or something. There were a ton of dorm-like rooms in different buildings, different meeting rooms, a cafeteria, classrooms.... and a variety of groups were there, from high school sports teams to businesspeople to a group of African children... It felt kind of like a university campus, but not? I don't know; none of us were really sure what the place was. I do know the people who used it were the ones who cleaned it.

At this orientation we were separated into smaller groups by country and we had two Japanese AFS returnee volunteers to each group. Those volunteers would guide us around to our different sessions of being told the same information repeatedly and then eating. We all got pretty comfortable with each other, so leaving was like a real goodbye with hugs and all that.

For the two nights we were there, we stayed in tiny dorm-like rooms, one person per room, several dorms to a hallway and common lounge. We bathed at night in the facility's sentou, which is a public bath.

Pretty much our whole group was paralyzed when we were told that we'd be in a public bath. I didn't make a big deal of it, but another girl and I kind of got used to the idea by poking fun (in an entirely light manner) at one girl who was adamant about finding a way around the whole situation. Come to the actual moment, I didn't get too worked up. I mean, obviously I didn't want to go naked in front of a room of other people, but I also knew that it couldn't be that bad if it was such a deep part of Japanese culture and they're all like, "whatever" about it.

Walking into the changing room, there was the initial shock of "butt!", but after that I calmed down and it felt all remarkably normal. The actual sentou was very dark and steamy, so that helped, too. We all washed ourselves at the shower stations and then sat in the giant bath, then walked back to our dorms slightly refreshed and feeling proud of ourselves.

Saturday morning we dispersed to go to our host families. There are five of us in the Obihiro area, so we flew together. We left from a Tokyo airport that wasn't an international airport, so everything was slightly less English-friendly. Kind of scary, but things were still fairly clear and we made it to the tiny Obihiro airport safely.

We were met by our host families before we all went into another meeting, which was given in Japanese with a white guy who lives in the area (from the US; he's the guy who will be teaching our Japanese lessons) translating for us students. Then we dispersed and went to our homes.

I'm pretty comfortable here. It's all kind of awkward, with me not knowing what to do and them not quite sure how to show me everything, but I'm sure it'll smooth out. Sakura's really quite good at English, so she tells me things. I worry, though, that it's becoming a crutch. I need to start speaking Japanese, but I still don't feel forced to. (I can't get much more forced, though... bahh....)

They seem like a quite relaxed family. It hasn't been too strange for me. It almost feels like they could be relatives, like an aunt, uncle, and cousin. A different family with different habits and things, but nothing incredibly strange yet.

My host mother cooks three full meals a day. And I mean full. Always a salad, a main dish, usually something traditional Japanese on the side, and fruit for dessert. I'm always so full. I'm going to get so fat... ahhh... 

Yesterday we went to the school to watch a basketball game (Sakura's a manager for the boys' team). I don't know if it was any sort of official game or a scrimmage. Ohtani (our school) was demolished by the other team, but the whole game was kind of sloppy. Lots of missed baskets and strange passes, and very few fouls were called. It was entirely student-run, though, from what I could gather.

After that we went shopping for a few things for me at a huge department store that was cramped, filled with signs, and nonsensical divisions between sections. Not even divisions, really, it was like a Walmart with two stories and when you walk across the aisle from appliances to home goods you're actually stepping into another store (? I think?). Like a mall without extra space or walls.

We also went to a DVD rental store. Lots of stuff.

Yesterday we went to some kind of Japanese-exclusive race where they race clydesdales pulling a plow-like contraption over what I think was gravel. I think Obihiro is known for it. Sakura's grandfather (I assume my host mother's father because we met her brother there) breeds horses for it. I didn't know whether to feel excited or horrible for the horses. It seemed excruciatingly hard to do.

Gateway Orientation

In the first step of this long adventure, I flew out today to Los Angeles to attend my gateway orientation before I leave to Japan tomorrow.

I've been able to meet all the other students going to Japan from America, all of whom are very energetic and enthusiastic. We'll fly together tomorrow to Tokyo.

The orientation was very low-key, basic, "this is what to expect" information. A long lecture that put most of us very close to sleep.

It's late, though, and I've got a big day tomorrow. A more inclusive post can be expected soon.

Thanks for all your support!

日本、今行くよ!

Family

I woke up this morning to my alarm and to a cat in my face.

Not quite. That never wakes me up. I really woke up this morning to Mum running down the stairs shouting, "Check your email!!!"

And then this:

Just like that, I go from, "I don't know where I'll be. I don't know who my host family is, whether I'll have siblings, what my school will offer, or what sort of area I'll be living in," to:

I'll be living in Otofuke-cho, Katou-gun in the Hokkaido prefecture.

It's a residential area with a population of about 45,000. From what I can gather, it seems to be in the country (or at least not in a densely populated area). The nearest large city is Sapporo, which is 200 km away.

Hokkaido's climate is comparable to that of northeastern US. It has very cold winters and relatively hot summers.

I'll be living with the Ono family. My host father, Tatsuo, is an insurance agent and my host mother, Yuri, is a clerk. (After waking me up this morning, Mum went on about how she was betting that my host parents would be super artsy and interesting and amazing. I said that they'd be accountants. I was pretty close. [I wouldn't judge them on their occupational titles, though. They seem to be pretty interesting people.])

I'll have a sister, Sakura, who is one year younger than me. Apparently she will be an AFS participant this year, as well, going to the United States. I hope that she won't be gone while I'm there; it'd be nice to have a sibling and someone to show me around.

My host family has two small, fluffy, white dogs named Momo and Ume (Peach and Plum). I'm very relieved that I'll have some pets in my company, even if they're not cats.

I will attend Obihiro Ohtani High School, a Buddhist private school about 9 km from my host family's home. It seems like a pretty typical Japanese high school in that it has standard courses and clubs, including a mountaineering club (that's interesting) and a brass band, among many others. For some reason, though, way more girls attend it than boys.

My host family has described themselves as "formal, neat/tidy, and planned/organized," among other things (this is from a list of characteristics that they were to choose). Looking around my room at this moment, I realize more than ever that I'll be needing to make some adjustments to even the most fundamental aspects of my current lifestyle... ("messiness accepted" was NOT checked)

Every time I look at the file, it seems like I discover some new detail. It carries a lot of information in its deceptively few pages.

It's exciting and more unreal than ever to think that I'll be living for a year with these people, becoming a part of their family.

Departure Date

I finally know when I'm going to leave, other than "sometime in March."

My flight to Japan leaves March 18 at 12:05pm from LAX.

I have a pre-departure orientation with AFS the day before.

Things are getting real.

日本に行きます。

Why Japan?

Being an exchange student, regardless of which country is your host, forces you to live with a different family in a strange country and to adopt a new way of life. You're put through immense challenges and forced to grow as person regardless of exactly where you are.

So if I could receive benefits from being a student in any country, why am I so insistent on Japan?


Just as one simply knows that chocolate has a desirable taste, so have I felt that Japan (and most East Asian cultures/countries, really) is appealing. I haven't really had a reason for it, just the inherent knowledge that Japan is "cool".

A few years back, my mum remarked on the oddness of her children's interest in Asian culture when she, as a child, had a sort of aversion to the region. It wasn't until then that I realized that Japan wasn't universally recognized as awesome, that it was something that I felt.

And then, as I thought about it more, I came to realize how shallow that characterization of an entire region of the world, of an entire country and its people, is. Saying, "Japan is cool," shows a lack of understanding and appreciation of the complexities of Japan's culture (of any culture, really).

So, yes, I like Japan's flavor. But that's not really the answer to the question.

Reading other exchange students' blogs, I've seen that a lot of kids want to go to Japan because of their intense love of anime and manga, their wild fantasies of becoming J-pop idols, or something similarly related to the Japanese pop culture that we increasingly see in our Western lives.

Yes, I watch anime and read manga and enjoy it. My earliest ventures on Youtube consisted of me watching pieced-apart episodes of shows of which I'd never heard, following the recommended videos until I would eventually reach a dead-end (especially if that dead-end was Lucky Star, which bored me to death and beyond which I couldn't seem to find anything else). But I didn't become a real anime watcher until the past year or so, after I had already decided to go to Japan. My interest in Japan didn't spark from anime. Maybe they've grown alongside each other, but "Japan" has been something to me long before "anime" ever was.

But still, why Japan? I'm going to Japan to understand why I like it. I can study it all I want and still never truly know it until I've actually lived there and, at least for a short while, become a part of its culture.

Beyond that, though, I feel that Japan can provide an experience unlike anywhere else.

Japan's long history of isolation developed in it a culture entirely unique to any other in the world. Today, Japan still carries deep ties to its past and is rich in customs of beauty and discipline. Japanese traditions seem alien to us Westerners, and it is difficult to truly comprehend the reality of the society.

On the other hand, modern Japan has highly Westernized elements. It has become a world economic leader, and so many of our electronics and vehicles carry Japanese names that they no longer sound strange. Japanese citizens pull on their cotton t-shirts, tie their Nike shoes, and eat at McDonald's (MAKUDONARUDO, or MAKU for short) just like us in America.

This balance of totally strange and completely familiar is why. Japan having a culture that is arguably the farthest from what I've come to know while still being so similar is why. Coming to understand a society that is so alien to me will stretch me, force me to grow and to see our world with a bigger view while seeing what I already know will give something to which I can connect.

To me, Japan can provide that contradicting familiarity and complete foreignness to an extent that no other country can really match.

That, coupled with my already existing desire to understand it more, is why.